Day 1

Forgive me the quick writing...I'm want to record my day today, but I'm too tired to do so creatively.  :-)

So, today was my first official day as a stay-at-home mom.  I was so busy that it's now 9:25pm and I might have enough time to write this post.  I didn't have time to check my emails or even hop of facebook.  This must be what it's like to be engaged in the day instead of wondering when it will ever end.

Anyways.

I woke, like any other day at 4:35am and went to the gym where I did work one training session prior to getting in my own workout. 

But then I got home.  Usually I'd run up to shower, change and get ready for the day, coming downstairs only as the kiddos were leaving for school. Instead, today, I could help with the breakfast, sit down and chat with the family and enjoy a little time together for the day began.

I spent most of the day painting.  Yes, the day after I closed my child care I decided to turn my living room into something other than a daycare room.  So all weekend has been a painting spree.

Here's a sneak peak:  The color palette I found, the colors I chose to work with and a little fun that I had today. By the way, my 3 year old made sure that mommy knew it was NOT OKAY TO WRITE ON THE WALLS!! She was pretty sure that Daddy was going to be really mad!

My youngest and I went out for a walk today, played in the yard, picked up sticks for a project, did some puzzles and wow, did the day go quickly. 

I was able to go to my oldest's softball game.  ON TIME! And the day ended with another training session at the gym. 

All-in-all it was a pretty awesome day. 

Are you happy?

There were so many things, good things, that came into my life as a result of working with children and families every single day, Monday-Friday, 10+ hours a day for 13 years.  The countless giggles, the priceless ah-hah moments, the tears wiped dry, the smell of newborn babes snuggled in my arms as well as the relationships formed with parents and families are all positive memories of my life as a child care provider.  And this work led to a comfortable lifestyle for our family.

But, honestly, day-to-day, I was stressed out, overtired, emotional and by the end of the day, I had nothing, I mean NOTHING, left to give to my own family.  Although I kept trying to be happy, I knew, even after my weight-loss and new part-time work (which I loved) as a personal trainer, I was just not happy.  At all.  My calendar was jam packed and they say a busy life is a good life. I was busy.  I had a good life.  But there were things about my day that I just dreaded. 

About a year ago, I put this picture up on my phone as the background: 

I knew I had to change something.  I just didn't know what.  I prayed a lot.  My husband prayed a lot.  I think I expected a flash and a thunderbolt to direct me where I was supposed to go.  Let me tell you, that didn't happen. 

Instead I took small steps.  One foot in front of the other.  I opened doors.  Peaked around corners.  Made little changes.  Over time, I became more brave and bolder in my prayer and in the changes I was willing to make in my life. 

 

And today I walked out of the gym at 7am.  The sun was shining, the air was crisp yet and I thought:  I am happy!  Finally!  There is nothing about my day that I dread.  Finally, I feel like I have enough to give back to my family at night.  Finally, I'm excited about each and every new opportunity that comes to me. 

 

I just want to encourage you.  If you feel that unhappiness in your life, do not give up.  Keep making those small forward lunges (eh-hem, my exercise reference) and eventually you will find that big change to a happy life. 

 

And you know what?  I'm not done making those small changes.  I'm not done moving forward.  The decision to lose weight was the very first small step I made.  The decision to step back from my career as a child care provider was the single biggest decision I've yet made.  Even in all the uncertainty, it sure feels great to be happy and know that I am helping others along the way.

1 girlfriend and 1 new friend

Yikes, it's been a while again. 

Today's the big day!  My li'l boy is 9!  We had a great party with family last night.  The best part was when he blew out his birthday candles and oops, there was one candle left!  Ohhhh--one girlfriend!  He even named her.  HA!

Yesterday was an 'ah-ha' day for me.  You know how you are out and about in the community and see a family and say, "Yes, them, they have it all together...I want to be like that!"  Well, I had a family picked out at church about whom I thought this. 

She, the mom, approached me yesterday after services to talk about some things she saw regarding the kettlebell trainings I do.  As we got to talking, she opened up about how this was their first year on one income and how it's been really tough.  I was so wrong about them, as I thought she was a stay-at-home-mom all along and I envied her ability to spend time with her kiddos doing all the things moms should have time to do.  I was 100% surprised when she told me she'd been working all these years and that this was her 1st year as a SAHM. They are struggling to make ends meet.

But her words of encouragement were what I needed to hear.  The Lord provides.  Always. He gives you the means to work out the kinks and in the end, this will be a wonderful decision for the family.  And now I have a connection with someone I had put on a pedestal and thought unapproachable; maybe even made a new friend.  It made me feel better to know we aren't the only ones, I guess, and to know there's someone else who does understand. 

A short, but honest post

I'm in a very good mood.  Not struggling emotionally at all with this transition to being a stay-at-home-mom. But I'm feeling a little frustrated 'cause I'm going to have to draw money out of savings to cover the bills this month. There, I admitted it.  My weekly income has been cut by just over 75% for the past 2 weeks.  Now, to be fair, I am paying off some store credit cards that I usually hold a small balance on and I have not yet cut our monthly bills as they are still tax deductions until I'm officially done with child care. 

I just have to give myself permission to be patient with me without getting lazy and never making the changes I need to make. 

But in the light of the events yesterday, I'm thankful to be alive, to have a healthy body not ravaged by a maniac's garbage can bombing tyraid, to have family safe and close-by and to know that my Lord and Savior is in charge of this all!

April Snowstorm of 2013

I'm sure this day will go down in the record books.  6+" of snow on April 11, 2013. 

I am really going to like this stay-at-home mom stuff, though.  Today was like practice for when it happens for real.

I am not-so-wimpy!

I am a not-so-wimpy-mom because I have been resisting bowls of these which have been making a home on my kitchen counter since Easter Sunday.

And because I had to use this doo-dad to unlock that door-handle of this bathroom door that my 3 y/o locked from the outside.

 

And because I'm even considering this:

 

 

The operative word is CONSIDERING!  A Tri is on my bucket list, I'm just not so sure this is the right time to try it out.  Like the pun? 

 

And we mustn't forget the epic winter storm we're going through in Minnesota right now.  Snowfalls of 6-12 inches predicted for our area.  It's April -- I think that makes me Not-So-Wimpy!

 

 



A moment captured

Here we are, the 9th day of April and most of Minnesota is under some degree of Winter Storm Warning.  Lovely.

Yesterday this crazy kid and I had some outside fun. We found some buds on trees.  Saw some birds.  Watched the bus come down the road and we both jumped when the bus driver honked at us.  These are the moments I want to cherish.  There will only be more of these moments in the upcoming days and months. 

But here's when she looks the sweetest. And I actually thought far enough ahead to capture the moment.  I could photograph her all day, as long as she's sleeping.  Otherwise. getting her to be still is next to impossible!

 



Married & Buried

Oh what a night!   (a song, no?)

Our oldest has volleyball tournaments tomorrow (Sunday) morning, so our family decided to go to church tonight.  We were on time for the 6:30 pm service at our church! Early even. Go us! 

Only problem was there was no 6:30 church.  We drove up, saw the full parking lot, but no one was going into the church. That's not normal for 5 minutes before a service begins. So I grabbed my iPhone and quick searched for our church times.  Sure enough.  Church starts at 6 pm on Saturday nights. Obviously we don't go to church very often on Saturday nights! 

So we decided to head to our sister-congregation in town.  We were pretty sure they had a 7pm service.  We were plenty on time for that one.  On the way over, we recounted to our children how mommy & daddy got married in the church to which we were driving.  As we pulled up to the curb, our 3 year old asked, "Daddy, is this where you get buried?"  Apparently married and buried are the same to her and I guess to us old married folks it might seem like married and buried aren't really all that different.  No, I'm joking! 

As we drove away from church she started crying with tears even, "Mommy and Daddy, you didn't get married!" 

Ahhhhh! Married, Buried, eh??

Breaking it down

I said good-bye to two more families today.  Tears.  Emotions of sadness, fear, trepidation and anxiousness. 

My house is changing.  So far this baby equipment has been packed away.  More emotional for me than I thought it would be.  *Sigh*  What will we do with all the new space?!  Ah, we have plans.  A little rearranging is in the near future as is a fresh coat of paint. 

 

But as for now, it's on to family pizza night.  Signing off!  

Brine, baste, belt and ball

Ah, the 3rd day of April already!  One month from today is the day my business officially closes.

Trying to be budget conscious, I purchased my first whole chicken at a wallet friendly $0.89/lb this week.  Ok, I'll be honest, I've roasted a full turkey in the past (many times), but never have tried a chicken.  I don't really know why!  But at that price I surely had to find a way to put this into a regular family meal rotation. For muscle and brain building, it's important to me as a mom and a personal trainer to continue with our higher protein dietary intake.  Since proteins take a big bite out of the family grocery budget, this was the challenge I took hold of today!  From brine to baste; the family gave me the "Mom, it's a do-again" 2-thumbs up response.

What Lutheran household would be complete without a 3 year old sitting in the laundry basket, hymnal in hand, belting out "A Mighty Fortress."  And what 60 degree day would be complete without a little outside fun: the little one mastered the dog ball thrower while the older two dueled at basketball.

I'm a murderer...

 

...of all things green, that is. 

And I'm planning on doing a garden this summer to help keep our kitchen stocked in veggies later in the season?

Check out that sunshine!

April Fools

April 1st, 2013

We thought about waking the kids early this morning and telling them to hurry and get ready for school despite the fact that it's Easter break.  We were concocting some story about how school needed to make up for one of its snowdays this year, so the principal decided to have school today.  But then we thought about how early yesterday was and we decided to let them sleep.  No April Fools here.

I feel like the April Fools joke is on me this year.  Seriously, trying to figure out how we will make ends meet on one income is like a bad joke.  Certainly am having thoughts of "What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks are you thinking?"

But we did have smoothies for breakfast.  Peaches and bananas with some milk and cream.  I love how the foam stayed on the youngest's lips.  She's a peach, ya know.  And more moments like these are what I'm looking forward to as a stay-at-home mom. 

Easter Sunday

March 31, 2013
Easter Sunday

This is not going to be an exciting post.  But here are my thoughts for the day:

Two of our kiddos explored the empty tomb this morning. I love Easter.  Thank you, Jesus, for rising again so that I can someday be in heaven with you.

 

 

After our delish Easter Dinner today which was not healthy or clean or muscle building or correct in macro intake at all, but very much a needed treat, I found myself saying things I've not said in a long time.

 

I found myself saying things to indicate I was excited about the summer.  For 13 years, summer has simply meant a lot of work.  More kids.  More BIG kids.  More meals.  More chaos.  More loud.  More of everything.  Don't get me wrong...I've loved it in its own way, and it always provided an extra boost of income for the family, but I am so ready to move on.

 

Today I spoke aloud plans to have friends over to play with my kids this summer.  I would never have considered this while doing child care.  By the end of the day I am wiped out and do not want to deal with more kiddos.  And if I had extras here during the day (for example, to ride home on the bus with one of my own) I'd need to make sure I'd have paperwork and appropriate ratios of children. And for some reason it feels quite insane to ask my son's grade-school friend's mother for immunization records and health insurance information (part of the required paperwork for anyone in the house during licensed hours).   And it felt even more insane to have a background check ordered for any of my daughter's friends who are over a certain age to come and hang out around here while the children are around.

 

I write down the positives of my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom like this so that I can overcome my feelings of doubt and panic.  Because as I sit here knowing how very not-wimpy this decision has been for me and how right it is for our family, I feel pretty skeptical as to how it will all work out. 

 

Our sugar-drenched Easter Sunday is over.  Back to work (still have 4 extra kiddos in care) tomorrow.  Back to my regular routine.  I'm really going to push it with reining in my diet to get lean and mean for the summer.  And I'm going to have to really push it to start planning, budgeting and getting this family organized for this upcoming month of change.  This not-so-wimpy mom can do this!

 

 



The best part...

March 30, 2013 Cont'd

The best part of the weather getting nicer?  The 3 year old not-wimpy-unless-she-wants-to-be child goes to bed without a fuss.  Zonked.  Peace.  Quiet.  Love!

5K and bye-bye toys

This not-so-wimpy mom ran her first 5K (3.12 miles) race of the season this morning. And I gotta say, THAT STUNK!  40 degrees in March in MN is not so bad.  A little bit of sun.  Okay.  No rain.  Bonus.  Prairie style gale-force winds off a frozen lake like the blast form the back side of a jet engine (only cold!)....AWFUL!!! OH.MY.GOSH, did I ever want to stop, turn around and walk back to the start line!  But I didn't.  Because remember, I'm not-so-wimpy! 

My son and my husband ran the race too.  Our son came in 20th overall and 3rd in the under 18 age group (he's 8!).  So proud of him! 

Right now, this not-so-wimpy mom is fighting baseball-like lumps in her calves that keep cramping up. 

On the other hand, I feel pretty wimpy.  While I was busy cooking and baking for Easter, my family started de-constructing my living room/play-room.  The child care room is slowly making its exit.  I've never had a real living room.  For 13 years the toys have shared space with our furniture and television.  But, since I'm down four kiddos now and have only littles left, we decided to start moving a few things out.

I never expected to get emotional and start crying over that.  Wimpy.

No longer an equal partner

March 30, 2013

I awoke way too early this morning, a morning that I could actually sleep in until 6:30am!  Oh well.  I'm up.  And I'm thinking.

The most difficult part of this transition to working only part-time and being a stay-at-home-mom will be the idea that I'm no longer an equal earning partner in our family.  I've always run my own business successfully.  I've always contributed equally (and some years more than) in partnership with my husband. 

Therefore, I've never felt guilty for spending money on myself (not big things but hair cuts, clothes, etc) and now I'm going to feel like I need permission to do those things.  What I partly intend to chronicle here in this blog is the money.  How it is (because I'm being optimistic!) possible for a family of 5 to subsist on one middle-class income.  We can do this.  I can make this work.  This will be my full-time job.  I will plan, budget and we will be happy as a family.

I know money shouldn't define happiness, but it sure has been a blessing the years when my income was enough where we did not have to fret over every little expense.  Because we've been there, there were difficult years and months where the tiniest extra bill would throw me into an anxious tizzy because I didn't know how we were going to pay for it.  I've always been the financial keeper in the family, but now I am taking that (to borrow a phrase) to the next level. 

Okay, enough of that.  What's on tap for today?  First a personal training session, then my husband, son (8) and I are going to run a 5K in support of our local National Guard Troops.  After that I'm set to bake, cook and prep for Easter.  Very excited for a Saturday afternoon at home in the kitchen with the family.  The last few months my Saturdays and Sundays have been plum full with training sessions and I'm glad for the reprieve this weekend.

A Good Friday

March 29, 2013

Three weeks ago I quit my job.  Kind of.  I gave notice that, in early May, I will be closing my licensed in-home child care that I've been running since 1999.  That's 13 years worth of career and commitment.  On one hand I feel completely devastated to give up the successful career that I've had.  On the other hand I am trembling with excitement to start my new life as a stay-at-home mom. 

Today was a tough day.  Saying good-bye to a family I've been caring for through 6 years.  Watching the little ones grow since they were 6 weeks old until they are now in school and preschool age.  That's tough.  The Dad said something that struck me, "We completely trusted you.  We never worried about our kids while we were at work.  Now it's always going to be in the back of my mind whether or not  I can trust their new provider."  He didn't mean this as a slight on my stepping down, but rather as a commendation for a job well done. 

But that's what brings me here.  This is an adventure like I've never undertaken before.  Cutting our family income by just over 1/3.  Learning to adjust to a household of 5 instead of a household of 8-10.  Finding out about my own kids' lives...that's what I'm really looking forward to.  

I am also starting my career as a personal trainer.  I work at our local fitness center part-time training clients in health and fitness.  I love that job and look forward to the places it will take me in the future.

For now.  For today.  I am feeling okay.  Emotional.  Sad.  Excited.  Scared.  It's all a bit overwhelming.  It's Good Friday.  That, too, gives me hope for the future.

And as for the adventures of the stay at home mom?  I can't wait to chronicle them here on this page. 

This was our project today: