Are you happy?

There were so many things, good things, that came into my life as a result of working with children and families every single day, Monday-Friday, 10+ hours a day for 13 years.  The countless giggles, the priceless ah-hah moments, the tears wiped dry, the smell of newborn babes snuggled in my arms as well as the relationships formed with parents and families are all positive memories of my life as a child care provider.  And this work led to a comfortable lifestyle for our family.

But, honestly, day-to-day, I was stressed out, overtired, emotional and by the end of the day, I had nothing, I mean NOTHING, left to give to my own family.  Although I kept trying to be happy, I knew, even after my weight-loss and new part-time work (which I loved) as a personal trainer, I was just not happy.  At all.  My calendar was jam packed and they say a busy life is a good life. I was busy.  I had a good life.  But there were things about my day that I just dreaded. 

About a year ago, I put this picture up on my phone as the background: 

I knew I had to change something.  I just didn't know what.  I prayed a lot.  My husband prayed a lot.  I think I expected a flash and a thunderbolt to direct me where I was supposed to go.  Let me tell you, that didn't happen. 

Instead I took small steps.  One foot in front of the other.  I opened doors.  Peaked around corners.  Made little changes.  Over time, I became more brave and bolder in my prayer and in the changes I was willing to make in my life. 

 

And today I walked out of the gym at 7am.  The sun was shining, the air was crisp yet and I thought:  I am happy!  Finally!  There is nothing about my day that I dread.  Finally, I feel like I have enough to give back to my family at night.  Finally, I'm excited about each and every new opportunity that comes to me. 

 

I just want to encourage you.  If you feel that unhappiness in your life, do not give up.  Keep making those small forward lunges (eh-hem, my exercise reference) and eventually you will find that big change to a happy life. 

 

And you know what?  I'm not done making those small changes.  I'm not done moving forward.  The decision to lose weight was the very first small step I made.  The decision to step back from my career as a child care provider was the single biggest decision I've yet made.  Even in all the uncertainty, it sure feels great to be happy and know that I am helping others along the way.

April Fools

April 1st, 2013

We thought about waking the kids early this morning and telling them to hurry and get ready for school despite the fact that it's Easter break.  We were concocting some story about how school needed to make up for one of its snowdays this year, so the principal decided to have school today.  But then we thought about how early yesterday was and we decided to let them sleep.  No April Fools here.

I feel like the April Fools joke is on me this year.  Seriously, trying to figure out how we will make ends meet on one income is like a bad joke.  Certainly am having thoughts of "What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks are you thinking?"

But we did have smoothies for breakfast.  Peaches and bananas with some milk and cream.  I love how the foam stayed on the youngest's lips.  She's a peach, ya know.  And more moments like these are what I'm looking forward to as a stay-at-home mom. 

Easter Sunday

March 31, 2013
Easter Sunday

This is not going to be an exciting post.  But here are my thoughts for the day:

Two of our kiddos explored the empty tomb this morning. I love Easter.  Thank you, Jesus, for rising again so that I can someday be in heaven with you.

 

 

After our delish Easter Dinner today which was not healthy or clean or muscle building or correct in macro intake at all, but very much a needed treat, I found myself saying things I've not said in a long time.

 

I found myself saying things to indicate I was excited about the summer.  For 13 years, summer has simply meant a lot of work.  More kids.  More BIG kids.  More meals.  More chaos.  More loud.  More of everything.  Don't get me wrong...I've loved it in its own way, and it always provided an extra boost of income for the family, but I am so ready to move on.

 

Today I spoke aloud plans to have friends over to play with my kids this summer.  I would never have considered this while doing child care.  By the end of the day I am wiped out and do not want to deal with more kiddos.  And if I had extras here during the day (for example, to ride home on the bus with one of my own) I'd need to make sure I'd have paperwork and appropriate ratios of children. And for some reason it feels quite insane to ask my son's grade-school friend's mother for immunization records and health insurance information (part of the required paperwork for anyone in the house during licensed hours).   And it felt even more insane to have a background check ordered for any of my daughter's friends who are over a certain age to come and hang out around here while the children are around.

 

I write down the positives of my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom like this so that I can overcome my feelings of doubt and panic.  Because as I sit here knowing how very not-wimpy this decision has been for me and how right it is for our family, I feel pretty skeptical as to how it will all work out. 

 

Our sugar-drenched Easter Sunday is over.  Back to work (still have 4 extra kiddos in care) tomorrow.  Back to my regular routine.  I'm really going to push it with reining in my diet to get lean and mean for the summer.  And I'm going to have to really push it to start planning, budgeting and getting this family organized for this upcoming month of change.  This not-so-wimpy mom can do this!